Secret Habits of the Orange Menace
by Usagi of Feudal Moon Era
Summary: Basically, a bunch of different scenarios which prove that Kyo is a cat.
1. A Flying Disturbance

_My cat Tobey (or Kyo as I like to call him) gave me the inspiration for this fic. I was watching him hunt flies the other day and since he reminds me so much of Kyo I thought, "This would make a hilarious fic," so here it is. _

_Sadly, I don't own Fruits Basket but I do have a fruit basket. _

Secret Habits of the Orange Menace

Kyo sat in his room amongst a pile of books. His pencil was in his mouth while trying to remember what "natural selection" meant. After a quick minute, he gave a yell of frustration, and tossed his pencil at his book creating a large pencil mark across the page. He threw his chin into his hands with his elbows on the table and stared off at the wall, lost in thought.

A sudden buzzing sound jarred him from his thoughts so he looked to see what caused the disturbance. A small black fly was zipping about the ceiling, apparently unaware of the orange haired cat. As soon as Kyo's eyes made contact with the fly, they were glued. For a few minutes, Kyo just kept watching the fly flutter about the ceiling. As the insect began to descend a bit, Kyo entered hunting position: he crouched on all fours and wiggled his bottom in the air. Once the fly reached the appropriate height, Kyo pounced.

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Tohru just finished putting the final touches on dinner so she went to retrieve Kyo. She knocked but he didn't answer. She could hear small noises and, being concerned, she opened the door, thinking something may have happened to him. What she saw caused her to burst into a fit of giggles but Kyo didn't seem to notice anything around him. Kyo's weight was distributed on his four limbs and he seemed very interested in a small black dot high on his wall. Yuki, hearing Tohru's giggles came rushing over. Tohru pointed into Kyo's room and Yuki peered in. Just as his eyes met Kyo, Kyo had pounced at the wall, catching the fly in his hand. He shoved it into his mouth and quickly devoured it with a few small crunches.

Tohru gasped disgustedly and Yuki just stared.

"And you complain about eating leeks," Yuki said finally breaking the silence. "You're comparing leeks to a fly?"

Kyo, who heard Yuki's voice, spun around and finally realized that there were two people watching him. "YOU BASTARD!" he yelled. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN STANDING THERE!"

"Long enough to realize that you have poor taste in food."

"IT'S CALLED INSTINCT! CATS KILL AND EAT FLIES! YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE THEY KILL? RATS!"

"Whatever," Yuki said walking back to his room.

"WHATEVER! I'LL SHOW YOU WHATEVER!" Kyo screamed. Heran past Tohruinto Yuki's room. Then, Tohru heard a body hit the ground. Kyo had lost another fight.

THE END

_Hope you enjoyed it but either way, let me know by pushing the little purple button. I know the image of Kyo crouching down wiggling his bum in the air is really weird but that is how all three of my cats hunt bugs. I just drew inspiration from them. REVIEW! _


	2. Dragging Along

_Okay, I know I said that this was going to be a oneshot but TOO BAD! One of my friends suggested that I expand on it with some other scenariosso here is the next chappie._

_See chapter one for disclaimer.

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_

Chapter 2-Shoelace

It was a typical weekday morning in the home of the love triangle plus Shigure. Yuki, Kyo, and Tohru had put their shoes on and were just leaving the house.

On their way to school, they somehow managed to have some fairly pleasant conversation until Tohru's shoelace came undone. Tohru, being the spacey one, didn't notice but it only took a moment for Kyo to see the dangly string. He started to walk a step behind but since Yuki and Tohru were in a conversation about what to plant next in the garden, they didn't notice. Kyo's pupils grew wider and wider until it happened. Tohru went sprawling forward.

"Honda-san," Yuki called out as he dove in to catch her. She landed on top of him but a wisp of smoke later, a small grey rat laid underneath Tohru. She moved slightly to let him out.

"Honda-san, what happened?" Yuki asked in concern.

"I don't know. All of a sudden, I just couldn't move my foot."

They both looked behind Tohru and, sure enough, there was Kyo laying stomach downon the ground, Tohru's shoelace twined in his fingers.

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_I know it's kind of short but my other chapters should be a bit longer. I'm not sure. I haven't typed them out yet. If anybody has any ideas for other scenarios, e-mail me or leave a note in your review. HINT! If you do review, I'll give you cookies.Yummy, yummycookies._


	3. Can't Kick the Habit

_Chappie 3 has arrived. Gomen ne but it took longer than I thought it would. I did a complete spring-cleaning of my room and I never realized how much stuff I have. Then there was my birthday, which also got in the way but I am now 18! WOOT! Hope you enjoy this chappie. I hope to have the next one out soon. I'm just not sure what to do next. I'm between four different scenarios. I know! I'll leave it up to you. Vote for your favourite out of the following:_

_1) Milk_

_2) Fish_

_3) Sheets _

4) Warm sun rays

_See chapter one for disclaimer.

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Chapter 3-Addiction

Shigure stepped into the kitchen, his stomach wasstarting to growl. He noticed the large paper bag sitting on the table. 'Tohru must have bought some groceries,' he thought. 'Since lunch won't be for a while, I suppose there's no harm in stealing a snack.' Much to his disappointment, he found no food. He did find brightly coloured plastic balls decorated with feathers and a small, plastic bag of what appeared to be some type of spice. He examined the package for a moment but couldn't come to a conclusion. He heard a noise behind him so he turned and saw Tohru entering the kitchen. "Tohru-kun, what is this?" he asked, pointing to the bag.

"Oh, that's catnip," she replied."Hana-chan, Uo-chan and I are volunteering at a cat shelter so I thought I would buy them some treats and toys. I figured they would love catnip. Just one smell and they go crazy."

Shigure opened the bag and took a deep whiff but quickly started coughing on the smell. "That smells horrible."

"Well, to humans(and dogs)it will. Cats adore it."

"So one sniff of this and any cat will go crazy?" Shigure asked. Tohru nodded. "Hmmm," Shigure pondered. His eyes glazed over as an evil plan began to unfold in his mind.

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Kyo had just finished his training for the day and was taking a rest by the koi pond in the backyard.

"Kyon-kichi, I have a surprise for you," Shigure announced enthusiastically, as he opened the door to the outside. (A/N In anime, have you ever seen a door open and there's confetti and trumpet fanfare? Picture that.)

"Damn it!" Kyo yelled as he ran toward Shigure to punch the living daylights out of him. "DON'T CALL ME--" Kyo stopped dead in his tracks in front of Shigure. He raised his head in the air, sniffing the breeze. His nose led him down to Shigure's closed hand where the catnip was hidden. He sniffed at Shigure's hand a few times before proceeding to rub his face against Shigure's hand. All the while, Shigure was trying to suppress his laughter. It sort of worked, until he decided to take this situation to another level. He gently tossed the catnip onto the porch, which rolled a small distance and landed about a foot from Kyo. He dove down and started to rub his face against the small plastic bag, making slight noises in his throat that sounded a lot like purring. From rubbing his face, he started to rub his back on it and eventually, he was rolling on his back on the tiny bag. Meanwhile, the entire time, Shigure was in a fit of giggles. After tossing the bag of catnip and Kyo dove after it, he had to lean against the wall for support from laughing so hard.

Inside, Tohru could hear Shigure's laughing fit and decided to investigate. Once she opened the door, she saw Shigure doubled over against the wall, laughing. Kyo was on his back with his arms and legs bent in the air making a very odd noise in his throat.

Tohru, who had many theories of what was going on and how it happened, asked, "Kyo?" addressing the lump on the ground. "What are you doing?"

Tohru's words jarred Kyo from his hypnotic state. The "purring" immediately ceased and he looked up. With shifty eyes he stuttered, "N-nothing." Saying that, he ran back into the house and up to his room, his cheeks a slight pink from embarrassment.

Tohru's eyes followed Kyo back into the house and once he was out of sight, turned back to where he was a moment ago. "Oh, there's my catnip." She picked up the plastic bag and walked back into the house. Shigure began to recover from his laughing fit and took a deep breath. He leaned against the wall again and looked up at the sky. 'That's one for the books,' he thought.

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_Hope you liked it. Remember, vote for your favourite of the four in your review or e-mail me. If you do, I'll give you cookies and milk. _


	4. Top of the Food Chain

_Gomen ne for taking so long. The last couple of months of school were complete and utter torture. Project after project and then exams. At least I'm done now. But after I finished school, I started working five days a week and once I came home, I would be SOO drained. Then on my days off, I would spend it with friends since I just graduated high school and am determined to not lose touch with people. I know I made a couple of promises on when I would update this fic. Well, the first time I think my muse was taking a vacation on Pluto and I just sat staring at a piece of paper. The second time, I go to put on the finishing touches to find out that my internet died and we had to take in my computer. Needless to say, I was mad. I PROMISE to update this story more often. I will keep that promise. Well, onto the long awaited chapter 4. _

_As for chapter 5, vote for what you'd like to see:_

_1) Milk_

_2) Sheets_

_3) Night singing (thanks to ultra-violet-catastrophie)_

_4) Bubbles_

_See chapter one for disclaimer

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Chapter 4-Fish

Tohru trudged into the Sohma household with a look of utter disappointment painted across her face. As soon as she entered the family room, Yuki and Shigure confronted her. Kyo was still crouching in the corner just outside. From the bruise slowly appearing on his cheek, Tohru assumed he had lost another fight.

"Honda-san, is something the matter?" Yuki asked gently. "You don't seem like yourself."

Tohru let out a sigh and began to explain that she had won an essay writing contest in her class and, as a reward, wonfive tickets to the local festival that had recently come to town.

"Isn't that a good thing?" Shigure asked.

"Not when I have so many people that I would love to bring."

"You don't have to bring me, Honda-san. I have a lot of thing to do with the student council lately anyways," Yuki told her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Is there room for me to come?" Shigure asked hopefully as his mind filled with young girls in short skirts. However the fantasy was interrupted by Micchan's threats of Shigure's deadline. Shigure cringed. "Maybe I should go farther away. She'll find me at the festival."

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In the end, Tohru brought Uotani, Hanajima, Kyo, and Momiji. Tohru was with Momiji pointing excitedly at everything while Hanajima and Uotani didn't show that much excitement. Kyo hung back from all of them, muttering to himself. Just as Tohru and Momiji's excitement seemed to be diminishing, they noticed a kingyo-sukui (A/N goldfish scooping) stand.

"They're all so cute," Tohru exclaimed admiring the goldfish. She rummaged through her purse for the two hundred yen needed to try to win one. She found some with little trouble.

She handed the money to the vender and received the small scooper and the cup. She cautiously approached the tank, apparently afraid to scare the fish. She slowly lowered the scooper into the water and positioned it under the goldfish. She made a quick motion to scoop the goldfish, but slipped and missed completely. She blushed, obviously embarrassed but pulled another two hundred yen out of her pocket and passed it to the vender. She missed again.

This situation repeated itself many times and Tohru was swinging more wildly with each try. Amidst this, Momiji started to chant to cheer Tohru on. This did not go unnoticed by Kyo who smacked Momiji atop the head and Momiji started to cry. After Tohru had spent two thousand yen, Kyo sighed, handed the vender two hundred yen, yanked the scooper and cup out of the vender's hands and advanced upon the tank

"No. Don't spend your own money to get me a fish, Kyo-kun. I can do it," Tohru tried to tell him but he was deaf to her selfless pleas.

He spent a moment simply staring at the fish. Then, almost as if he wasn't even moving, he slowly let down the scooper under a fish. With lightning fast action, the goldfish flew into the air and landed gracefully into the cup. The fish was transferred into a plastic bag filled with water by the vender and Kyo held it in front of Tohru but he didn't look at her.

"Here. Take it," he said.

Tohru looked a bit awe-struck at first but then nodded her head and took the fish gently into her hands. She took a close look at the fish and then smiled widely. "Thank you. I'll call him Kyo."

Kyo turned his face so no one would see him blush.

They spent they next few hours admiring the handicrafts, playing a few more games, and getting into arguments (mainly between Kyo and Momiji). Shortly after dinner, they decided to make a bathroom break. Momiji tried to go into the girl's bathroom with Tohru, but Kyo grabbed him by the head and turning him in the right direction while yelling things to him about having no decency.

Kyo, whose bladder wasn't very full, waited outside, holding jackets, purses, and Tohru's fish. He tried not to look at it but it kept catching his eye.

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Tohru was the first to emerge from the bathroom and recoiled in horror at what she saw. There was a small orange tail hanging from Kyo's mouth and a plastic bag filled with nothing but water. Her eyes darted back and forth between the bag and Kyo's mouth a few times. Kyo gasped, not realizing that the fins were visible. Kyo knew that the fish was already dead so instead of him taking the fish out of his mouth so Tohru would see the dead fish, he hurriedly tried to shove the rest of the fish into his mouth. It proved to not be the best decision.

"Kyo-kun, why?" Tohru asked as her eyes became wet.

"I-I-I-I'm sorry. Don't cry," he pleaded.

Tears started to fill Tohru's eyes and she ran away crying while Kyo still called to her to not cry just as Uotani, Hanajima, and Momiji came out from the bathrooms.

"Tohru?" Momiji called to her. "Where are you going?"

"What do you mean, don't cry?" Uotani asked Kyowith a threatening tone underlying in her voice

"Ummm" was all Kyo could muster.

"WHAT DID YOU DO TO TOHRU?" Uotani demanded, running after Kyo. Kyo couldn't exactly fight because of all the items he was still carrying so all he could do was run.

Momiji had already started after Tohru but Hanajima stood staring at the situation before her making a mental note to ask Megumi to curse Kyo.

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_Well, there you go. I hope it was worth the wait. I do promise to update this fic more often. I think I just lost a lot of inspiration to write this fic and that's one of the reasons why it took me so long. Reviews will help. The more reviews I get, the quicker I'll update. Don't forget to vote for which you want to see. As always, there will be rewards in the form of sweets._


	5. Floating Distraction

_Wow. I can't believe the response I got from the last chapter. I'm getting spoiled. Keep it coming. Before I continue to chapter five, some people need to be recognized._

_BIG thanks to _**Spirel-chan**_ and _**Jenny-chan**_ for their help on this chapter._

_Another BIG thanks to _**Sailorprincess3234, littlefiction, cherrymoonblossoms, **_and_** Rae-Anime-Neko **_for reviewing EVERY chapter so far. _

_Also, I won't be updating for about two weeks because I leave for San Francisco tomorrow. I then have three days to unpack, do laundry and repack because I'm going to Disneyland with Spirel-chan. Right Spirel-chan? I should be able to post a new chapter between my two trips. After all, we're driving down to San Francisco so I have plenty of time. _

_For the next chapter, vote after reading this chapter. The choices are as follows._

_1) Milk_

_2) Sheets_

_3) Night singing (thanks to ultra-violet-catastrophe)_

_4) Ayame_

_Now onto chapter five._

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Chapter 5-Bubbles

It was a typical weekday afternoon. Kyo and Tohru were walking home from school (Kimi had cornered Yun-Yun after school for an emergency student council meeting). They were about halfway home and passing by a park when they heard a familiar voice.

"Onee-chan!"

It was Kisa who was hurtling towards Tohru. Before Tohru knew what was happening, Kisa was pulling Tohru by the wrist, insisting that Tohru come to play with her and Hiro.

"Would you like to come too, Kyo-kun?" Tohru asked the feline.

Kyo contemplated. Playground with Tohru or home with Shigure…alone.

"Sure," he shrugged, trying not to sound too anxious.

---

"What are _they_ doing here?" Hiro asked, annoyed. "I thought you just had to go to the bathroom."

"I did and then I saw onee-chan. I haven't seen her in a while and I thought it would be fun if she could play with us."

Hiro could see the possible disappointment in her eyes so he agreed but not before throwing a dirty look at Tohru and Kyo behind Kisa's back.

Kisa pulled a Frisbee out of her bag and tossed it to Tohru. They continued to play for a while until Tohru (who wasn't completely paying attention) was hit in the face by the flying disc (by Hiro and Kyo wondered if it was really just an accident). Kisa insisted that that was a good time to stop while Tohru tried to insist that she was fine and they could continue with the Frisbee. Kisa didn't listen. She put the Frisbee back into her bag and pulled out a neon bottle.

"Bubbles!" Tohru squealed happily.

"What?" Hiro started. "How can you be so excited to see bubbles? Are you childish or just afraid to grow up? You can't spend your whole life in a dream of your delusions of reality. You'll never make it in the real world. And those who can't make it will be swallowed by the jaws of society. Is that what you want?"

After a moment of awkward silence, Kyo pushed Hiro to the ground. Hiro sat there for a moment in complete disbelief.

"You stupid cat! I should call child services!" he exclaimed getting back to his feet.

"Go ahead! After a minute with you, they'd take my side!"

For a moment they both stood there glaring at each other but a sudden giggling burst the silence. Tohru and Kisa turned their attention to the bubbles and were quite enjoying themselves. Hiro rolled his eyes but Kyo's curiosity became peaked. There were so many bubbles floating on the breeze. He couldn't figure out which one to destroy. Instead, he jumped over Kisa and Tohru into the cloud of bubbles and started batting wildly at them. Once all the bubbles had been massacred, Kyo reverted back to himself. Then he turned around to see Tohru and Kisa with very shocked expressions and Hiro who was-simply put-dumbstruck. But it didn't take too long for him to get riled up again.

"What are you doing! Are you trying to be a child again? Are you trying to recapture the magic of your youth? Do you live in some magical fantasy world where time runs backwards? They don't exist! If you keep living in a fantasy land, you'll amount to nothing. You'll become crazy and live in a box on the side of the road begging for bits of change. Could you live with yourself that way?"

Another moment of silence followed and Hiro ended up on the ground again. The arguments arose again and all Tohru and Kisa could think was "Boys."

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_Well, there's chapter five. I'll be working on chapter six on the road and in San Francisco. I have a feeling which one will be voted for the most. DON'T FORGET TO VOTE! I didn't get many votes for this chapter. VOTE! As always, reviews will be rewarded with sweets._


	6. The Attraction of Lace

_Okay. I know this took longer than expected but since I'm not doing much besides working nowadays, I can focus a lot more on my fics. I'm also trying to make a regular updating habit for this fic. I'll try to figure that out before the next update, which will be soon. I SWEAR! Well, I hope this chapter was worth the wait._

_Before I continue with the fic, I would like to thank Robyn-chan for her help in the form of all-knowing knowledge on all things Fruits Basket._

_I also want to thank EVERYONE who has reviewed thus far. It really means a lot to me._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Fruits Basket…or Barbie (you'll find out why I said this in the fic)

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Chapter 6-The Attraction of Lace

"But I don't want to go," an eleven year old Kyo complained.

"But Kyo-kun, I need a new dress for New Years and Ayame-san said that he would give me one for free," Kagura explained as she continued to drag him along.

"But why do I have to come?" he further complained.

"BECAUSE I NEED A MAN'S OPINION!" Kagura screamed. Kyo thought it best not to argue further because she had that look in her eyes. Kyo had started to recognize that look. It was the look of utmost fury. That, and she was waving a fist in his face.

They reached Ayame's shop rather quickly and Kyo _slowly_ shuffled in. The image inside of the shop caused his eyes to widen in horror. There was a shocking amount of pink trimmed with lace. It was as if someone just shoved a Barbie down his throat.

"Kagura-san," a voice exclaimed entering the room. Kyo's eyes widened in horror once more. He hadn't realized that Kagura was talking about _that_ Ayame. The brother of that rat. And to make it worse, he liked frilly things. He had only met Ayame at New Years in previous years but to be at his shop would surely be unbearable.

"I have to go," he announced, heading for the door.

"Where are you going Kyo-kun?" Kagura innocently asked.

"I just have to go," he answered.

"I'll ask you again. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING!" she asked again, malice dripping from every letter and grabbing the hood from his jacket, holding him back.

"Um…nowhere," he answered in a voice much smaller than usual.

"Good," she answered, her innocent tone returning. "Now, what can you do for me Ayame-san?" she asked, turning to her designer.

"Well, let's see what I have," he answered, leading her toward the back leaving Kyo in the entrance.

"And what am I supposed to do?" Kyo called to them.

"We won't be long. Wait there," Ayame replied, a smirk on his face.

"Great," Kyo muttered, collapsing in a chair. "Just great. I'm stuck in a frilly shop with nothing to do."

After twenty minutes, Kyo was down to counting the ceiling tiles just to keep from going crazy and to keep from looking at everything else. Thank goodness the ceiling tiles were white. He was at 167 when he became desperate. Even the thought of the rat coming through the door appealed to him. He would be angry, but at least he wouldn't have counted 204 ceiling tiles. The thought of that brought his gaze to the door, but no one was there. As he started to bring his gaze back up to the ceiling, something else caught his eye. There was a spool of lace trim on the counter with the end of the lace hanging down the side of the counter. The open window allowed the wind to caress the loose lace and Kyo did not pass by this occurrence very easily. It kept swaying, taunting him.

--

After another twenty minutes, Kagura emerged from the back with a "Kyo-kun, what do you-" but she stopped mid-sentence.

Kyo was lying on the ground, tangled in lace trim from head to toe and the previously full spool on the counter was empty. Judging by his annoyed look, he had been there quite a while and from the look of the frayed edges, he must have tried to gnaw himself out of the lace prison. Suddenly, Kagura snapped out of her reverie and her hand became a fist.

"KYO! THAT LACE WAS FOR MY DRESS!"

It was too bad that Kyo was too tangled up to run. If he could have, he wouldn't have had ended up with all those bruises.

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_Well, there you go. I know it kind of ended up being more Kagura than Ayame but this inspired me more than just Ayame. Don't forget to review. Reviews will bring you sweets. YAY SWEETS!_


	7. NOT A CHAPTER!

Just so you all know, I don't think I'll be updating this story for a while. First of all, after re-reading this fic, I realized how alike all the chapters are. Therefore I am trying to figure out how to make future chapters different.

Another reason I have a lot of writer's block is because my youth hall (I met there every week with my youth group) recently burned down. I know a lot of you are thinking, "How does that affect your writing?" but I've spent the last five years of my life making memories there. It was also a place I went to when I wanted to get away and a fair amount of this fic was written in that building. I've also worked on a lot of some of my other fics while sitting in there. To me, that hall was a place of amazing inspiration and memories and it's a little hard to deal with.

So if you have any ideas about how I can make future chapters different, let me know. I hope you understand about me not updating. Thanks for all the support thus far and I hope you all continue to read the story when I get more posted. I hope it won't be too long.


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